I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
