hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
