I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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