Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
