I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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