I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
