wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
