New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
