bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
