in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
