it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.