dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
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..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
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This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?