We're like a lot better than the average bears
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.