I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
