What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
