fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!