I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.