just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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