He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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