Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
