A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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