I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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