a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
