I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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