morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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