I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
