I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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