I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
