Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
