Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
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We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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