I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
