New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
