you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
