Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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