Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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