saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
