You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
