What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
