So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize