He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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