Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
