and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
