I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
