I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
