all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
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the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
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Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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