is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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