Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
