I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
