He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
