Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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