my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
