my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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