Small penises have feelings too.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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