It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My vagina just clenched in fear
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
