it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
