I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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