honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize