mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
