I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
