i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
