Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
