Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
