that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
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Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
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He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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