I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
