Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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