I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
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