I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
