also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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