Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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