Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
