I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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