Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
