Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
