On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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