you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
