girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
