I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
