Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
