Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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