I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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