They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
