If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
