My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
