Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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