I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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