I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Found the puke drawer
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
