Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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